Monday, December 18, 2006

Room 101

This is for all of you who have read 1984 by George Orwell....And for those of you that haven't - you should it's an awesome read...
Periodically I update what would be in my room 101.
It started out that I would be locked ina room full of mosquitos.
Then it was a room full of mosquitos listening to twangy country music...
Then it was in the back of a cab in Mexico, with the heater running full blast, being eaten alive my mosquitos, listening to twangy country, with my daughter, Malikah, complaining that we weren't there yet.
I need to revise yet again.
My room 101 is now in the back of a cab in Mexico, with the heater running full blast being eaten alive my mosquitos, listening to twangy country, with my daughter, Malikah, complaining that we weren't there yet all while wearing an underwire bra that doesn't fit with the wire stabbing me in the ribs during my period.
Yep that would be my ultimate personal hell. What's yours?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

An ASS out of U and ME

The other night my family and I went to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. There was a couple with another group that had me entertained all evening. I'm not really sure that I have adequate words to describe them. The female part of this couple had a mullet, an eye patch and poorly fitted dentures that kinda pointed out of her mouth towards you. The best description I have for the male part of this couple was old and fat David Crosby.

They didn't do anything special or different than the rest of the people that were there. They just sat there. And for some reason I found them horribly amusing. I could picture them sitting outside their trailer in their lawn chairs hollering at the kids to go get them another beer or they wouldn't get to go to Chuck E. Cheese. And when they left I was thinking, 'Yep pack it up quick or you will miss WWE.'
After a while my conscience woke back up and told me that I was wrong to make assumptions about these people. Just because some one looks a certain way doesn't mean I know everything about them. The more I started to think about this I realized I'm a very prejudiced person. I make snap judgements about people all the time.

I started out with this kind of idiotic assumption making rather young. For instance, the first time I had sex. I was madly in love with my boyfriend and I had decided it was time. So one afternoon while my family was away we set up our moment down in the basement. We turned down the lights, played some Howard Hewitt and laid down a sleeping bag on the floor. I had no problem kissing and caressing and getting naked in front of him. But I had never seen a man naked before. So for his portion of getting undressed I lay down on the sleeping bag and covered my head with a pillow. And after he was undressed I was so nervous I couldn't peek out from under the pillow. He parted my legs and his knee bumped into my thigh. Well remember, I had my head under the pillow so I had no idea what part of his anatomy just bumped into my thigh, but you can imagine what I thought. 'Oh my God he's HUGE! I'm about to die.' Boy was I wrong.

I still use this sort of ridiculous half assed logic today.

Here are a few examples:



Whenever I see a guy driving a truck that looks like this I don't think 'Oh this guy likes to go 4 wheeling.' No, all I can think when I see this is 'He is overcompensating.That guy has a little dick.' And I'm sure that there are plenty of well endowed off road enthusiasts but I will still have that thought every time.



Whenever I see some one sagging their pants I don't think 'Look at this gangsta and his fashion sense.' I think 'here is a guy who is too poor to get pants or a belt that are the right size for him.' I know that for some reason this foolish and drafty habit is all the rage in younger style circles but I will never get it.



Whenever I see a guy over 25 driving a convertible I don't think 'Now there goes a finacially secure man who has good taste in cars.' I automatically think 'There goes a midlife crisis.' And really only guys born with silver spoons in their mouth can afford to drive a nice convertible sportscar when they are young. The insurance alone is a killer. But again, my mind is stuck in stereotypes.



A good looking, well dressed man who has good manners? Am I thinking 'What a catch!' Nope. If his socks match the rest of his outfit I am thinking 'He is SO gay.' I know that there are guys out there who have good manners, are very attractive and learned how to dress but I guess I'm just stuck with my preconceptions.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

100 Things about myself

100 Things about myself

1. My eyes were blue until I was 7 years old. Then they turned green.
2. I love fog. Especially when there is a power outage.
3. My favorite villain of all times is Ursula the sea witch in The Little Mermaid.
4. I used to have a reoccurring dream that I was saving a world that used shit as its primary energy source.
5. I have had my thyroid removed.
6. I am afraid of change.
7. I have worn firefly butts as earrings.
8. I used to believe that fairies lived inside milkweed pods.
9. I am a writer.
10. I have started 9 books. I have never finished any of them.
11. I have a horrible singing voice.
12. For some reason every time I drive to CO Springs I have to sing Idiot Boyfriend by Jimmy Fallon.
13. I am a Colorado native.
14. I have an older brother that lives in South Dakota.
15. I have always wanted to work for NASA.
16. I have never had to pluck my eyebrows.
17. I drive a Scion XB.
18. On October 27th I will have lived in and owned my condo for 6 years.
19. I have smoked for 19 years.
20. I love the smell of coffee. I cant stand the taste.
21. I cut my wedding cake with a sword.
22. I love candles that smell like food.
23. My favorite dessert is key lime pie.
24. I had my first daughter when I was 17 years old.
25. I just realized this is a lot harder than it looks.
26. I am stubborn.
27. I had a praying mantis named Linda for a pet when I was a kid.
28. I like to be right.
29. I dont have any fillings in my mouth.
30. Im going to be an Auntie in the spring next year.
31. I used to work for social services, Bonfils blood center, Antarctic Support Associates and Raytheon.
32. Im proud of my jobs.
33. Its been a little over 4 years since I have had a paying job.
34. Being a stay at home mom is a lot harder than it looks.
35. I can never use vanilla air freshener in a car because it reminds me of some one I loved.
36. I dont like it when people sing happy birthday to me in a restaurant.
37. I love it when people sing happy birthday to me at home.
38. I love Vietnamese egg rolls.
39. I had insomnia for 6 years.
40. I want to own a Neapolitan Mastiff or a Great Dane.
41. I have a gargoyle statue named George.
42. I am a horrible bowler. My average is 33.
43. I am close friends with one of my high school teachers.
44. I hate it when people ride the butt of the car in front of them.
45. I have never been arrested.
46. I am superstitious.
47. I love all the late 80s early 90s one hit wonder bands.
48. I am forgetful.
49. I like cinnamon flavored toothpaste.
50. When I get nervous I pull on my hair from behind my back.
51. If some one calls and wakes me up I can never admit to being asleep.
52. I wont answer the phone when I am eating dinner.
53. I cant roll my tongue to say Rs in Spanish.
54. I have walked into a parked car before.
55. My initials used to be BS. Now they are BJ. I liked the first set better.
56. My favorite car is a 67 mustang fastback forest green with a tan interior.
57. When I am sleepy I tug on my eyebrows.
58. I still remember all the words to Children Story by Slick Rick.
59. I want to learn the traditional dancing of India.
60. I hate mosquitoes.
61. I used to dream of genetically engineering them to all be born without tongues so they would all die.
62. I love Celestial Seasonings Blueberry tea.
63. I think peacocks are beautiful.
64. I love the noise of their cry too.
65. I can sew beautiful quilts.
66. I cant sew on buttons.
67. My grandma died two years ago and it still makes me cry.
68. I love roller-skating at Skate City.
69. I am a Taurus. (May 9th)
70. I own two cats: Nina and Mr. Garibaldi.
71. My favorite number is 999.
72. I cant stand being in a car longer than 10 hours.
73. I save my really good answering machine and voicemail messages.
74. I have two certifications: Early Childhood Education and Administrative Assistant.
75. I love to know what people are thinking.
76. My favorite color is gray.
77. I like rainy days.
78. I didnt learn how to drive until I was 19 years old.
79. I have shaved a mans head with a straight razor.
80. I love the smell of Drakkar cologne.
81. I admire people who are sure of themselves.
82. I am very self-conscious.
83. I dont believe that war ever solved anything.
84. I love gyros.
85. I wear the same shoes size that I wore in seventh grade.
86. Chipper morning people annoy me.
87. I have been proposed to by 20 different people.
88. Im not into sports.
89. I love going to the Renaissance festival in costume.
90. I am a packrat.
91. I like to eat dinner food at breakfast time.
92. I dont usually eat breakfast.
93. I dont like people touching my face.
94. I like to laugh.
95. When I get really mad my lips disappear and there is just a line where they used to be.
96. Talking to people is my favorite pastime.
97. Sometimes I talk to myself.
98. I can write really, really, really small.
99. I am a very passionate person. 100. I have a headache now.